By Audrey, pilgrim of Song of Sophia
As I began the somatic exercise with Angelica, the first thing I noticed was a sense of distrust. A question arose as a way of bridging that distrust: what is is that you want to share with me? Really, who are you Angelica? How do I know I can trust you and your messages?
I found within that question was a genuine longing to know her AS SHE WANTED TO BE KNOWN by me… not with an overlay of “other people’s information” about her… It is by knowing her authentically in this way that I feel I can trust her.
She shared with me that she wants to gift me with a sense of HOME in my body. A sense of safety to feel all parts of myself. To know that it is safe to feel all parts of myself, and that I am loved.
I noticed fear arise at this … fear of judgement, being too much, being seen as too “spacious” or not being taken serious. Angelica started laughing at me when I expressed this. A crone mother, wild and wise knowing laugh. A “fuck them” kind of laugh. As if to say that’s the whole point ~ to release these limitations. A deep sigh of relief moved through me.
When I smell Angelica, I feel my throat opening and a sense of calm trickles down the back of my skull ~ shifting out of my thinking brain and into my feeling body and into my senses becasue her SENSE is SO STRONG. Her taste lingers.
She reminds me of the permission to take up space. To be glorious… but also, I sense her humility. She takes up space but doesn’t need to be seen. I am reminded of the times I have seen her growing wild, and how striking her presence is. She reminds me that I am this too ~ I have this permission… and how essential my roots are for this kind of growth/expansion that I am capable of. She wants to teach me about staying rooted so that I can hold the power of Gaia Sophia in my body, so I can be a channel.
This brought grief into my body ~ this resistance to my own power. This became a prayer to Angelica ~ how can I heal this resistance? She says to trust myself, my integrity. She reminds me that embodiment is not a punishment, it’s not a burden for past life lessons… that I am free to live this life as a new life according to my will. And my will is good.
She wants to help me release the imprints I am carrying from the past that have defined my understanding of myself, that I no longer need to hold onto. That those experiences have informed me and I don’t need to punish myself for them.
I am safe in this lifetime, no matter what happens in this theater of form, as my soul moves in and out of storylines, exploring playing feeling sensing expressing. I am eternally safe in Sophia’s love.
Angelica asked me to continue dropping in with her in this way so I can build my trust in our relationship and release my sense of unworthiness to recieve her guidance. She sensed that this unworthiness was a block that was preventing me for engaging and she says my joy and pleasure in connecting with her, to feel my energy, to know me and to feel me knowing her… is a gift and all she truly wants from this relationship.