Mother & Creator
Sometimes I feel like being a Mother and creator at the same time are interchangeable words. Other times I feel like they are entirely separate. I’m finding that the Union of these aspects of self is an important part of myself to track.
When I say “creator,” I’m not referring to the type of person who makes content for social media.
Instead, I refer to a creator who opens her womb to the Earth and receives what Creation sparks next, lends consent to receive and to conceive, gestates to full-term, and births it through her own embodiment. These days it’s song, love, soul-nourishing meals, tending plants, preserving foods, rocking tiny beings, and setting up a home. It’s also home projects, website building, client sessions, studio dreaming, side hustling, housework and household management.
I find it important to remember that my child, my marriage, my home is my primary creation. My nourished family is my content, so to speak. The way I tend privately to my land and my marriage is more than enough for a creator. Tending to hearth and home is a Divinely intended creation within itself. Creating above and beyond this – which has always been my dream in the same way that raising a family has – will always take it’s time, simply because the magnitude of the creation of all of these things takes space, and capacity.
When I say this is my primary creation, I mean this in the way that without the capacity to be a Mother, I wouldn’t have the capacity to hold space for others in the way I do. This capacity birthed within me from the threshold of creating life my physical body. That’s not to say this is the case for all, but it is clearly an available and fertile pathway.
It also distinctly marks the point in my life when my body shifted and simply became larger.
As my body expanded, so did my capacity.
Now that I nourish myself, purify when I’m sick, remineralize, rebirth, and stay with the pulse of the land, it seems I’m only growing in capacity and physical size. While it’s not a path I’d choose for myself if my Ego got to call the shots, I’m understanding it as part of the medicine path.
The part of me that is still inextricably connected to my son, in these early years, still needs to sleep when he sleeps. My nervous system still keeps tabs on him, keeps him in my line of sight when we’re outside. He is not yet ready to be out of my womb-nest yet. This is how I know I’m still postpartum.
The wholesome medicine of embracing this life, nourishes so many more than just me.
Like the center pole of the circus tent, when the Mother is strong, supported, stable, so is the family.
I am watching closely the overlays that make it seem almost impossible to rest as a Mother, or to have the space to be in actual relation with land, our medicines and our food. I had a distinct moment of this overlay within me dying, which required being held by a skilled medicine person. It died painfully, and I’m so glad it did. ✨⚔️🌹
I’ve kept the things I do private for the most part, but am awakening the part of myself that is ready to share.
Today, there’s applesauce cooking on the counter, cider on the stove, and veg chili on my mind for dinner. I’ll can those goodies when I make the chili. My fire cider is brewing, and there’s medicines and nourishing yummy things inspiring spontaneously each day. There’s also fence to build, apples to pick, gardens to prune, house to clean, side hustlin to do, and a forever list of other creations. What a life 🍁🍄🍂🍎
Written by Song of Sophia graduate Emma Kelzenberg.