Reflections on a Year of Integration
This is a year that brought the biggest challenges and the most magical treasures
Written by Song of Sophia Pilgrim Madison Earthwalker
2021 has been life changing for me.
The year I shed illusion and distortion like snake skin.
The year I allowed myself to both go deeper inward and expand outward more than ever before.
The year I took the greatest leap of my life.
The year I opened myself up to infinite possibility.
A full-spectrum experience.
This year I found myself in this most beautifully womb-wise, plant-taught container, Song of Sophia.
Together we journey deep into the womb…
To uncover and bring to life in ourselves all that has been forbidden. All while being held so lovingly by the plants, attuning to them and learning to live in true reciprocity with plant frequency.
I have a deeper understanding now of what it means to listen, a deeper understanding of how to receive.
Our bodies are always communicating with us. And when we invite the plants in to this knowing, so much is revealed.
I give so much thanks to my Teacher and friend Eliza for her potent lessons and for holding the container for us all.
It is incredible to traverse vast, unknown, and forgotten waters and still feel so safe.
I met my greatest darkness this year, and also found myself illuminated by the most incredible light.
Journeying The Underworld is necessary to merge Heaven and Earth. We descend to ascend.
I know this now, more than ever.
2021- The year I moved my life to Southern Missouri, just my daughter and I, no friends or family nearby; because my Heart said yes.
Because my Body said yes.
Knowing full well the challenges and the loneliness I would face.
I made this leap to give myself space to slow down, to delve into what’s important, to prove to myself that I GOT ME and my daughter. And I do.
This is the year I stopped giving a fuck about how others perceive my story. Stopped giving a fuck what stories others create, because that is theirs. My reality, my truth, is mine. I know what I’ve been through.
And I have nothing to prove.
I was in an abusive relationship with the father of my child. For four years this broke my spirit down until I no longer recognized myself. I let it happen.
And the bottom line, is THAT is why I’ve spent this last year in mostly solitude.
Still navigating these dynamics, mending wounds, and facing head on the ugly parts of myself that played into that darkness.
Taking ownership of what is mine, and releasing all that is not.
It taught me so much.
Walking away taught me even more.
I’ll say it again- I have nothing to prove.
Healing, crying, screaming, rediscovering myself in a whole new way, finding the balance in my identity as Mother and Wild Woman. Merging them.
Maiden, Mother, Crone.
A Midwife of the Cosmos.
This year I obtained my Holistic Doula Certification.
This is huge for me, as I’ve been midwifing Earthly shifts my entire life-for lifetimes, really- and this education gives me a really solid foundation to stand on.
There are beautiful things in the works as I tune into what is possible in this realm for me. As I tune into the ways I can be of service to Humanity, and I am elated to share these offerings that are birthing in my Womb, when the time is right.
This year I stopped sacrificing my energy and personal resources for others, putting myself first (which is also huge for me) and have found I’m much more able to support and be of service from this space.
Sometimes it feels so selfish.
Sometimes I have to be fierce.
But the preservation of what is most sacred to me is worth that.
This year I also met a wonderful man.
We shared a night of innocent magic under the stars, until the sun rose in cotton candy skies, and we’ve been weaving our stories in the most organic, healthy way, ever since. Our union has allowed us both to meet ourselves deeper, and what we share is truly incredible
This year, many people vibrated out of my field. I grieved the spaces these people left, but this made so much more room for deeper, more fulfilling connections.
And wow. I’ve invited some incredible beings into my life. Moves me to tears to think of all the connections made, and the long-standing friendships that have remained.
I honor you with deep reverence for being a part of my journey.
It all feels so real and right.
This year I have been depressed, hopeless, fearful, full of shame, reactive, paralyzed. I have made myself small, I have met demons, and I have died a hundred deaths.
This year I have also been empowered, inspired, elated, energized, honest, connected, loved, full of magic. I maintained my sovereignty, I stood in my truth, I took up space. I’ve been a pillar of strength. I’ve been gentle and feminine. I have danced. I have worn my heart on my sleeve. I made friends with trees, flowers, crystals.
I made myself my first lover.
I make love with every aspect of life.
I know that the more they lock down, the more I will stand in my truth.
The more that others close off, the more I will remain open.
I see now that my pain is so performative.
Like a red carpet, theatrical show-complete with full music ensemble and impeccable stage presence.
When it comes, it just wants to be seen. To be heard. I will invite her in. Sit with her. Love her. Give her space to be. And I will show her a new way.
Because I have the tools now.
My word for 2021 was “Integration”
I believe I’ve done it justice.
I have nothing but gratitude for the hardest, most beautiful year of my life.
And my word for 2022 is….”Balance”